I’m so happy I could cum blood. Graphic, yes, but I’m serious, my friends. Godspeed on the Devil’s Thunder is the album I didn’t dare to dream, blasting forth from the gates of frozen fucking hell to paste your face with nocturnal majesty. Godspeed represents a triumph on par with Midian, not to mention a downright shocking return to brilliance by one of the most undeniably unique bands ever to grace the lord’s scorched earth.

This audible erotica is a theme album about the 13th Ceasar, Gilles de Rais, who fell in love with Joan of Arc, and fell to madness after her death in the funeral pyre. Gilles became in essence a Satanic mass-murderer. This is the first theme album since Damnation and a Day, 2003, which told the story of Satan, and marked, in my opinion, Cradle’s musical descent. The departure of Gian may have had something to do with it, but no matter, as the past is the past, and we need look only to the present to give hope for the future, as Godspeed is just incredible.

Every moment of this album is simply delicious; Paul Allender displays the performance of his life on all the album’s guitars, while new drummer Martin Skaroupka proves his mettle with an extremely energetic and intricate performance. You can tell he’s happy to be here, as his ferocity helps cradle achieve an intensity that’s been lacking recently. I’ve always liked Dave Pybus, and I’m glad to see he’s still around on bass. You never know with Cradle, whose band members seem to switch on a near monthly basis. Here’s hoping this team lasts. The album features a session keyboardist, who did a stunning job, and should probably be inducted beyond a session member, if you ask me.

The jewel in the eye of Cradle has always been its creator, caretaker, and only permanent member, infamous Dani Filth, whose unique vocal shrieks have built love/hate relationships with metal fans the world over. Filth’s lyrics are indisputably the best in metal, evoking Shakespearian comparisons around every corner. His vocal delivery here is the best in his career, with every word intelligible, but bent to those Filth inflections of high and low, which have evolved to the point where his voice can fly all around in one breath (and I don’t mean the overlayed vocal tracks, though those are nice too).

Cradle of Filth was the band that got me into metal, and as such it gives me extra glee to present this album to you, loyal readers. If I could, I’d give this album a 12. There’s nothing I don’t like about it, at all, and I’m a critic! We all know critics are snobs, so listen up. 2 years ago I wanted to tear my hair out over the fact that Cradle featured that pussy from HIM (by the way, Love Metal? Really? You kid nobody, beyond teen girls and 14 year old boys in makeup), and now I’m pissing razors over them.

All dramatics aside, all metal fans must purchase this album. Orders straight from the bottom, y’all; Satan’s waiting for those who don’t. He has an army of lawyers and clowns, equipped with nailboards, chain whips, titanium-spiked buttplugs, bloodboarding (similar to waterboarding) equipment, shaving cream, car batteries, and a stereo endlessly repeating the Best of Duran Duran.

written by Jesse Ketman

Playing time: 71:24